Random Thoughts

Cold Weather

So far it has been a pretty cold start to the winter here in the Glorious Midwest. Many mornings I am heading to work with the temperature below zero or in the single digits. Many days the high is staying in the low digits and there have already been a few below zero. I never thought I would become acclimated to this weather out here. When it reaches 20, I am actually saying things like, “Beautiful day, huh?” In Boston when it was 20, I would say insightful things like, “this blows.” There was even one day last month when the temperature went into the 30’s. I contemplated wearing shorts that day.

My favorite example of getting used to living out here was last year on the day of the NFL Conference Championship games. The Patriots were facing the Chargers in New England and the Packers were facing the Giants in Green Bay. The temperature in Wisconsin was about -5 with a wind chill in the -20’s. I talked to my buddy Matty in Massachusetts. He told me he was on the way to the game in New England. I told him that I was jealous but he complained that the game would suck. I asked why and he said he was going to end up freezing his ass off. I asked how cold it was and he told me 25 degrees. My first thought was, “25 degrees……above zero???? You pussy.” That was when I knew I had become a Midwesterner.

Quinlan

Quinlan is getting big and smart so fast it is blowing me away. He is just under 21 months old and I cannot believe he will be two in April. People tell you that it goes by fast, but I didn’t realize it would be THIS fast. He is still a little guy, but he seems to be getting taller. He hasn’t been officially measured yet, but I think he will be in the normal range for height and will be starting to catch-up on his weight.

He is not talking clearly yet, but he is talking a lot. We usually have no clue what he is saying except for a few one word statements like truck, tractor, football, ball, cat, Da-Da and Ma-Ma. A lot of time he will look at you and say a million words and say it very seriously, but we have no clue what he is trying to say. Whatever it is, he is very passionate about it.

He has two personalities, one at home and one in public. At home he is very silly and chatty. He will giggle, act goofy and talk a ton. Out in front of people, he is very reserved and quiet. Everyone thinks he is so serious, but at home we know he is a goofball. He isn’t scared of people, but it is like he is just soaking it all in rather than try to fit right in. He is like Dad in that way, if I am in an environment that I am not familiar with, I tend to be quiet. If I know a good amount of the people there, I am my typical idiot self.

He is totally addicted to trucks and tractors. When a truck drives by he will say, “Ohhhhh…..TRUCK!!!” Or he will make the “Vroom Vroom” sound. Same thing goes with tractors. His favorite toys at Christmas were the tractors we bought him. His favorite book to read at night is the truck and tractor book. He has somehow become a Wisconsin guy right before my eyes. I am scared that he is going to grow a mullet and chew Copenhagen without spitting. God, I hope he does not become a Packer fan too.

Football

It is so odd to be watching playoff football without the Patriots in it. This is a first in a long time. They got hosed in that they won 11 games, yet they miss the playoffs. I finally know what it is like to be a Packer fan. The Patriots needed Favre to win against the Dolphins in week 17 for the Patriots to get in, but of course he stunk it up. Nothing like having your post season depends on an over-rated aging QB. In the end, I do not think they would have gone far in the playoffs. They would have been matched up against the Ravens who have a great defense. While Cassel has done very well this year, he has struggled against the great defenses. I think the Ravens would have knocked them out anyways.

Now that we are in the 2nd week of the post season (as of this writing the Ravens have knocked off the Titans), I am not sure who I want to go all the way. My 1st choice would be the Steelers. I have always liked them and my boss is a fan, so there is some loyalty to the pick, but I don’t think they have a chance. I think their offense is too mediocre to be able to keep up. Their defense is great, but I have no faith in their offensive line or their QB. It seems like Big Ben is not as solid as in years past. I would hate for the Ravens to make it. Though their defense is outstanding, I can’t stand a majority of their players on defense (Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, etc.) who over celebrate every single tackle. I also don’t like the fact that Ray Lewis can help cover up a murder and that is OK.

I’m not much of a fan of the Chargers, though I don’t hate them. Something about them annoys me. Maybe it is their whiny star RB who has finally hit the wall most RB’s hit after many years in the NFL.

In the NFC, I don’t mind any of the teams. I think it would be fun to see the Cardinals go all the way because they have always stunk. Plus you have to love their WR’s who bust their ass on every play and they are not a duo of “look at me” guys (so few WR’s just shut up and play). It is also hard to root against Kurt Warner who just seems like a good guy.

Even though the Giants upset the Patriots in last year’s Super Bowl and they are a New York team, there is a part of me that would enjoy a repeat. It would help justify the Patriots loss to them in the Super Bowl because it will show that New York was a dominant team and people just didn’t realize how dominate they were in the Super Bowl last year. Yeah, that probably will not help.

I could care less about the Eagles. They do not do much for me. Their fans are kind of annoying with the way they love their QB and Head Coach one week and then want them tar and feathered in front of Independence Hall the next week. Such schizophrenic fans.

Carolina is a fun team to watch, even though Steve Smith is a bit of a whiny doosh. We’ll see who makes it and I hope the games are fun along the way. My current pick for the Super Bowl is Baltimore against Carolina.

Comedy

Some good shows last month. I had a bunch of shows in Southern Wisconsin this past month. I was in Milwaukee, Madison and Fort Atkinson. I was the feature in Milwaukee and Madison, while being a “Co-Headliner” in Fort Atkinson. All the shows were a lot of fun. Milwaukee started off odd in that the crowds were a little weird on Friday. Not bad, but just odd. They laughed, but they were not rolling. Saturday Night there was GREAT as all three (yes, three) shows rocked. I had a blast those nights. The only thing that stunk about the weekend was that it snowed most of the weekend and I was not able to head home that Saturday Night. At least I was $40 at the casino playing poker one of the days.

I was in Madison for New Year’s Eve as well as the following weekend. This is now my favorite club around. The people that own it, run it and waitress there are some of the nicest people around. They really treat you very well and are quite accommodating. I had a total of six shows that week and there was not one so-so show. They all were an absolute blast. The only negative was that I only 25 minutes most of the nights (30 minutes on two shows), so I was hurrying up through my sets. I had to throw out a lot of jokes and there was virtually no interaction with the crowds. I love the people of Madison because they come out ready to laugh.

In Madison I worked with Claude Stuart who was a very funny and cool guy to work with. We had a lot of fun hanging out some of the days as well as our night off. We had the same sense of humor for most comedians we like as well as similar tastes in movies and music (we were both addicted the 100 Greatest Rock Songs special on VH1). He is a guy I could definitely handle working with again.

The highlight of the shows in Madison is that they invited me back to be the headliner next time. I was so fired up that they did that. I am starting to headline more elsewhere, but this was a place that I wanted to crack into so I can headline at the booker’s other rooms. I was absolutely floating after hearing that. I am hoping that I can head back to Madison when the weather is warm for a change. I would be nice to hang near the lakes down there.

It was also cool to hang out with two friends down there (Dave and Keith). Thanks guys for taking the time to hang out with me that week and checking out the show!

Fort Atkinson was also a blast as I worked as a co-headliner. Basically, it is still a two person show but instead of the 1st guy doing 30 minutes and the headliner doing 45 to 60 minutes, both of us were to do 50 to 60 minutes. I volunteered to go first so I could take off after my set. The place was great. When I first walked in, I thought, “uh oh, it is a bar and there will only be 20 people.” It was packed and they were all into it (even though the BCS Football game was on). I did 55 minutes and I did not want to leave. To make it even cooler, they owner of the place got on the phone and called the booker (someone I just started working for) and told her I did a great job. Not many owners will take the time to go out of their way to praise you to a booker (no matter how good you do). I was blown away at how nice that was and I was very excited to the good word make it back to the booker. He even tipped me $15 (something that RARELY happens).

All in all, great shows the past month and a great way to start the New Year. I think there are big things ready to happen for me in comedy for 2009. By big things, I doubt it will be TV, but more headlining, more money and more recognition should be in order.

Facebook

I am still digging Facebook. What a great invention for 30+ year olds like Holly and I. Holly and I are both hooked and the majority of our friends are on it. For some reason, we do better staying in touch with people through Facebook than we do through Email or phone conversations. It is also fun to catch up with people you haven’t seen in 20 years. There are a ton of people I went to High School with on there. The funny thing is that it making me realize how little of High School I remember. People will ask to be my friends and I will have absolutely no freaking clue who they are. After a while, I will realize they were someone I regularly hung out with. I look at my graduating class and can’t remember a majority of them.

There are a lot of people that I never spoke with in High School and now we are best buds. We are all so much different now that we are grown up than we were in High School. It is fun to realize that some people you viewed as dinks are OK now. I think it is also fun to see people be surprised that I am a comedian now. Hopefully some of them will be able to see a show in April (Hanscomb Air Force Base and Manchester, NH).

For the most part, everyone that I have connected with on Facebook have been really cool. The odd thing now is that there are a bunch of co-workers who have no become my friend, so I really need to beware of what I say. How uncool would it be to be interviewing for a job and they asked, “what happened at your last job?” “Well, uh, I kind of got fired for my inappropriate updates on Facebook.”

Holly even created a "Todd Andrews Comedy" Fan Page on facebook. Now I am totally cool.

I hope everyone is doing well and I hope 2009 is a great year for you all. Take care!!!!

Quick Hits

Every time I write one of these, I always say how I need to do this more and then a month or two goes by and I don’t do a thing. I really do want to write these, but it is so hard to get the time to sit down and write something. Holly has given me the order that I need to write something today so she can send out an email campaign. I do not know exactly what I would like to talk about yet so I will be winging it (not that my other posts are well planned). So I will try to go with a format from a writer that I like. Bill Simmons, a.k.a “The Sports Guy” (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/simmons/index), periodically does a “quick hits” format where he just types out quick random thoughts. I will give it a shot. Here we go…

Patriots – How are they 5-3 going into the Bills game? I am risking typing this prior to the game, but even still I was convinced the Pats would go 8-8 without Brady. Cassell is doing just enough to help them win games. He is obviously not near as good as Brady, but he is not making major mistakes (something that can’t be said for a lot of QB’s in the league). We actually have a shot at the playoffs; it just goes to show how great of a coach Belichick is. He did not panic and go for the quick fix (Chris Sims, Culpepper, etc.) and stuck with what he knew. I am sure Cassell will be gone next year as some team is willing to trade for him and make him their team’s starter. Hopefully the Pats can get a 2nd rounder out of the deal.

DVR – I miss having DVR for my TV. It is great to be able to record whatever you want and watch it when you feel like it. How did I ever get by without this? It is also great to be able to scream through the commercials and BS talk during sporting events. Plus if I got to make a bathroom run, I can just pause it. I will never get rid of this feature. It is the most efficient way to waste my time watching TV.

50” Plasma HDTV – All I can say is SWEET!!!

Facebook – Hi, my name is Todd and I am a facebook addict. I cannot believe that I am hooked to this site. I did the MySpace thing and never truly fell in love with it. I used it to get in touch with other comics and there were a few old friends I stayed in touch with through it. But facebook has taken it to a whole other level. I have gotten in touch with a bunch of people I haven’t seen in years. There are a lot of people I have been chatting away with that I am not sure if I ever even spoke to in High School, now we are pals. It is fun to see how people have turned out. Some people don’t look different, others I would never recognize. Some have changed A LOT in a frightening way (I will not give any names). This is #2 behind DVR as the greatest invention ever. Even cooler than flight.

Gillette Stadium – I did a trade show for work that was held at Gillette Stadium last month. I never like to give details on my work online, but I will say after that week I definitely loved my job.

Entourage – Great show but it goes by too quick. Jeremy Pivons as Ari Gold is about as entertaining of a character on TV. This season is fun, but it does not seem as fun as previous seasons. Not sure why, but it is still a great show and when it ends, I always curse it for not being an hour long.

True Blood – New HBO show. Surprisingly very good. Sometimes the storyline can be a little inconsistent, but it is a fun show. On the show, Vampires exist and have existing for a long time, but now they have “come out of the coffin” and are openly living among us. There are a lot of racism parallels as people struggle to accept them into society. Very cool concept and a fun show. Very sexual and violent, typical HBO. Holly is totally hooked to the show.

Heroes – Another fun show. Holly does not like it as much as in previous years as they have gotten very dark and they are throwing out a bunch of previous storylines. I still dig the show and its borderline corniness.

The Shield – This is probably my favorite show on TV that I am hooked to. This is the final season and with three episodes left, I still do not know how they will end it. I am hooked each week and the characters are excellent. I hope more doors are opened for Michael Chiklis that does not involve the Fantastic Four. He is really good on the show, plus he is a Massachusetts alum. Can’t go wrong with that.

Election – This has been a hot topic and I fear that posting anything about it will alienate people as they have been very passionate about this election. It seems that people are either too angry that Obama got elected or too happy he did. I think the Election was between Obama and Bush. I am not a Bush fan as he spent too much, something that is not traditionally a republican trait. I worry that Obama will come in and spend either the same or more than Bush which in the end will raise taxes. I think he will spend more because he has not shown how he will cut money, but he has made promises for spending more. The latest rumor (that I hope is a rumor) is that he may look into having the government take over 401k’s and IRA’s. If this happens, I will shit. I am already a little scared saving for retirement because someday I will have a nice nest egg to live off of, and I worry that all the people that didn’t save anything will look at me and say, “Hey, look at all the money he has. He doesn’t need that match; he should share some of that with us.” I hope this never happens, but I fear that it will. I am of the strong view that we need less government in our lives and more personal responsibility.

Sick neighbor – I just found out that a guy right around the corner from me got arrested for downloading underage movies. He and his 17 year old son were both busted. Here is the article:

http://www.riverfallsjournal.com/articles/index.cfm?id=89468&section=News

I am so blown away right now. When I first read it, I thought I was going to have to put my house on the market. But then I reminded myself that he will be in jail for a while and even if he wasn’t, he will not be allowed to live in that house because our backyards butt up against an elementary school. No way is he allowed to live that close. I can’t believe there are people in this world that dig that crap and that they live so close to me.

I am sure this more that I would like to write in general, but I am drawing a blank and I have the beginning of the Pats game on pause (thank you DVR) to write this. I hope everyone is well. I was going to head back to Boston in the 1st weekend of December, but that will probably not happen. I will be back in April though as I have a show for the troops at Hanscomb Air Force base. Nice!

Montreal and HDTV

As usual, I talk about how much I want to write more blogs, yet weeks go by and I don’t do it. I really wish that I did this more and I usually have the best of intentions in doing it, but it is combination of lack of time and laziness (to be perfectly honest). Work lately has been very busy and when I do have some time, I just don’t have the mental energy to sit down and write (but really, do I ever really have mental energy?).

Montreal
There has been a lot going on, but it is so hard to capture it all the moment I sit down and decide to start writing. As I start to write this blog, I am sitting on a plane from Montreal back to Minneapolis/St. Paul. I just finished a week in whacky Canada, ay. It is so weird to be back to Montreal. I had been there twice before. The first time I went was in February of 1990 when I was less than a month shy of my 16th birthday. What a crazy place to go at that age. A bunch of other high schoolers in my class (we were all Juniors) went on a “ski trip” there. We did ski, but we also drank a ton as well as went into a bunch of strip clubs. While I currently believe that strip clubs are a waste of money and only good for unintentional comedy (especially the one in Hager City, WI), at the age of 15/16, they are a gift from God. I was so blown away to be able to see grown women get totally naked and dance for me, even though I was wearing braces and obviously under the age of 18. Even though I was mostly with people I did not hang out with regularly in high school, we were all friends in Canada. One of the guys even got a gun pulled on him late night on St. Catherine street (fortunately, the drunk lady holding it had no bullets in it as she kept pulling the trigger only to hear “click click”).

The 2nd time I went to Montreal was for my buddy’s Jay’s bachelor party in July of 2002. As I recall, it was a pretty good time. We drank, but we never got totally insane or out of hand. We did go to a lot of strip clubs and some of them were creepy. I am not sure we were always having fun in them as there was always a debate on which club we should be in. We seemed to have more fun when we were out and about just drinking as opposed to sitting still in a strip club and paying for $7 beers.

The funny thing about being there twice and returning back was that nothing seemed familiar to me at all. Even though I was staying right by Saint Catherine Street and I was on the street at some point virtually every day, barely anything seemed familiar. It was odd, I thought a bunch of memories would come crashing back to me, but it didn’t. I guess I drank more than I thought last time I was there.

I did have one memory come back to me that I had not thought of since 2002 came to me when I went to dinner my first night (Monday). Our Canadian sales rep took me to a restaurant on Crescent Street. While sitting on an outdoor patio of the restaurant on the 2nd floor, I all of sudden realized the street was familiar. Then it came crashing back to me. In 2002, we ate at a place a few doors down (on a 2nd floor outdoor patio as well) and I started yelling at girls across the street that we on a balcony on the 4th floor of a hotel. They were partying a bit and seeming to have a good time. I started to interact with them from across the street, and then it turned into me demanding that they show their boobs. Yes, I was a classy guy when I was 28 and drunk. A bunch of them ended up doing it and we actually had an entourage of people collecting around us to see it go on. It was fun because none of us had any intention of trying to hook up with any of the girls (all of us were taken at the time), we just wanted to see their boobs and there was no other commitment from either party.

This time in Montreal was a lot less tame. I never had more than two glasses of wine, I never went to a strip club and I was in my room every night by 8:30. The highlight of the week was going to the casino to play poker. It was a weird set-up; it was a combo of live and online poker. You sit at a table and each player has a monitor in front of them. You can see what cards you have and place your bets on it. ON the middle of the table is a larger monitor that everyone can see what the community cards are and what people are betting. I played 10 hands of $1-$2 No Limit and one won hand worth $148. Take away the $3 for blinds and $7 to see the flop in another hand and I profited $138 in 15 minutes (Canadian Money). By the time the big blind made it back to me, I withdrew my money and took off. I couldn’t have been happier.

Quebec is weird because they all speak French. I seriously thought I was in France (minus the neat landscape and good food). It felt like I was in another world and instantly felt guilty every time someone said “Bonjour” and I replied “Hello.” I have no clue why I would feel that way, maybe I just assume I did something rude when I was there before and they remember me.

HDTV
I made a purchase a few weeks ago that I have been thinking about for quite some time. I finally made the leap to buying a plasma TV and upgrading my service to HD. To be honest, I don’t know why I waited so long to get it because I absolutely love it. Sports are so much cooler in HD and even regular shows are pretty sweet. I got a 50” Samsung that was highly rated by Consumer Reports that is 1080p capable. I know that I don’t have the use yet for 1080p, but someday when I get a Playstation 3, it will come in handy. I also bought a new stand (ouch these are expensive) that allows me more room for the auxiliary equipment as well as mounts the TV up in the air a bit so it is easier to see. Add in an unconverting DVD player for $20 and I am living large.

Of course, I have the NFL package from DirecTV. I was all fired up to watch the Patriots all year in HD, but now that Brady is knocked out for the season, it doesn’t have the same ring to it. But I love watching football no matter what team is on, so it is still a winning situation. It will also be cool to watch Red Sox playoff games in HD soon. Hard to imagine they will win it again this year, but it would be pretty nice.

Comedy, Bar Mitzvah & Football....What a Combination?

Comedy
I finally got to have some shows locally. I got booked last weekend at the Joke Joint outside of the Mall of America in Bloomington, MN as the headliner. Shows went from Thursday night to Saturday night with two shows on Saturday night. I also got a show Sunday night in Excelsior, MN off of Lake Minnetonka and a Bar Mitzvah before the Saturday shows. More on that later.

The Joke Joint was a lot of fun, as expected. It is a wonderful club that really took the next step when they remodeled to create more space and symmetry to the club. It is run Ken and Becky Reed who are super nice people and very accommodating. The Feature act was Amber Preston who I have known since shortly after I moved out here. She is a very funny, original comic who has really improved a ton since I last saw her (not that she was no good before, she has become very good now). We also had some guest spots throughout the weekend and rotating hosts who were brand spanking new. The hosts were very nice, but also very green. New comics typically seem a bit scared on stage, and they were no exception to the rule. But both had a good basis of material and if they keep getting up on stage, they will be fine.

The toughest show was probably the Thursday Night show. I felt sick as a dog that night. For some reason, I had a 24 hour bug that I could not shake until the next day. I was miserable at work all day, but since I was so busy I could not take the day off so I had to brave through it and then head to the show. You could tell that the crowd was a little tired or just not in the mood because they really did not give the other comics much of a chance. It didn’t help that the crowd was small (about 20 people), but that is expected with summer shows on a weeknight. Even though I felt sick as heck and they were a timid crowd, the set went OK. It was far from great, but it wasn’t bad. I would have liked it to have been a better set, but I can’t complain too much considering the circumstances. I think overall, the smaller crowd had fun but I expect more from myself. I was worrying after the show that Ken was thinking, “Why did I let him headline?” Fortunately the other nights were better.

Friday was a fun night. A lot of my co-workers at my day job came out to see me which was great to see. There were even some co-workers who I thought would never come to show of mine there. Friday was also fun because Holly came out with a couple of her friends. All the comics did a fine job getting the show going with Amber just rocking. She really had a wonderful set. I came up and the crowd was all warmed up and ready to go. It was a blast because they had a lot of energy and I was just able to feed off of it. I may have come up with a little too much energy because the sound apparently had to be turned down and it messed me up because I thought the mike went out. There was a bachelorette party sitting up front in the middle of the room and they got a little nutty (like all bachelorette parties do). Typically, when comics see a bachelorette party, they think “Oh shit, they are going to screw up the show by being obnoxious.” A lot of times, they do. This one was on the fence. I was able to get some interaction with them that was funny. I even had one of the girls yell out 15 minutes in “Are you married?” which was odd because I had spoken about my wife often during the first 15 minutes. The only one that just got a bit old was the bride’s aunt. She would not shut the hell up. She was not heckling, but she thought she could be a part of the show. Even when you put her in her place, she thought it was fun and the crowd loves to see the comic put down some 55 year old over-tanned women who stinks of cigarettes. Besides the old woman occasionally barking out nonsense, it was a really funny set and it was cool to have co-workers and Holly’s friends there to see it. It is always fun to have people look at you after the show with a bit of surprise at how funny you can be. I think a lot of them get used to seeing me in a work environment and don’t know that I am capable to turn it on for a show. I wish I got to hang out more with people after the show, but we try and sell T-shirts and crowd members come and talk to us after the show. By the time people started to leave us alone, Holly’s friends were ready to leave and a bunch of the co-workers had taken off.

Saturday’s shows at the Joke Joint were a lot of fun as well. There were a fair amount of people I knew in the crowd for the early show as well, but not as much as Friday night’s. The early show was a lot of fun and I was very pleased with the performance. The later show was a harder crowd. They seemed to be on and off for the other comics and it was similar for me. They seemed to love me one second, then the next just OK. I am used to late shows being a bit more rowdy as they are typically drunker, but this one was a bit tepid. After the show, a couple of us hung in the bar and that was pretty fun. Overall, the weekend at the Joke Joint was great and a lot of fun and I can’t wait to go back. I have already had people who could not make it ask me when I am there next. Hopefully sometime in the winter I can be back to headline again.

Bar Mitzvah
The interesting show of the weekend was the Bar Mitzvah I was hired for before the shows on Saturday. It was booked through Ken at the Joke Joint and it involved Amber and me. She was to do 10 minutes and I was to do 20 minutes. We were going to be pressed for time as the show was supposed to start at 6:30 to 6:45 and the show at the Joke Joint (30 minutes away) started at 7:30. I showed up at the Bar Mitzvah at 6:00 and it was empty except for the mother and a few stragglers. As people were coming in, the “man of honor” was outside with his friends and brother smashing cans of soda on the ground near the entry way. He was also dressed in a T-shirt and crappy pants and sneakers. I was under the impression that Bar Mitzvahs were a pretty big deal, but this kid did not dress the part. Not even khaki’s and a polo shirt. Eventually people came in just in enough time for the show. People really did not have a chance to be situated or have a drink or two (for the adults) before the show started.

I knew it was going to be a tough start when they introduced Amber as the “warm up” act to the comic. Ouch, what a brutal intro to give her. It completely minimizes her ability and gives the audience and out to not give her a chance. Amber did fine and fought through it even though the “man of honors” table was talking throughout her set. She eventually wrapped up her set and took off for the Joke Joint.

My set was OK. It was not near as bad as it could have been but it was not an “A” show either but it was decent. Once you realize that you need to ignore the kids at the front table and concentrate on the adults it was fine and they were willing to laugh. The kids at the front table though, oh my GOD! They gave me a great example of how I don’t want Quinlan to act when he is older. Not all the kids were bad; it was actually just 3 of the boys, including the “man of honor” who acted up. The one that the party was for would like to brag during the show that he likes to “blow things up” and hopes to continue to do that when he grows up. He made it a point to say this a few times during my set and Amber’s. There was also a smaller kid (may have been his brother) who would start talking out loud about stuff that made no sense. In the end, it was a fun time except for the kids. I can’t believe that I have a Bar Mitzvah on my comedy resume now. Big things are ahead, I am hoping to make perform at a Baptism in the near future. Maybe even a funeral.

Football
Football is right around the corner. It is hard to believe. I am both excited and sad because I love football but it also means that summer is almost over. Football feels even closer than normal because we had our draft in the Waltham Goofs league this past Wednesday night. This is a keeper league that is entering its 11th year that I have run the whole time. Since the first year, we have had all the same people in the league. Unfortunately, we lost of them this year. My friend Jay bailed on the league last minute because we were going to implement two more people into the league. We ended up going back to an 8 team league after his quitting and replaced Jay with another guy named Jay so it is easy to keep track of. There are rumors that another guy will leave at the end of the year, so we may be looking for more players and that may be the reason to go to ten people. It is a shame to see one of the original guys leave the league because this has been my link to the college buddies back east since I moved to WI. If I had to choose one of the guys to leave, it definitely would not have been Jay. Such is the life of grown up men who play make-believe football games.

I kind of dig my team after the draft. I kept Adrian Peterson, Tony Romo and Calvin Johnson (I took Calvin over Brandon Jacobs, Laurence Maroney and Greg Jennings). Here is my final roster to start the season:

QB – Tony Romo

QB – Matt Hasselbeck

RB – Adrian Peterson

RB – Joseph Addai

RB – Larry Johnson

RB – Brandon Jacobs

RB – Chris Johnson

WR – Torry Holt

WR – Chad Johnson

WR – Calvin Johnson

WR – Donald Driver

TE – Chris Cooley

TE – Vernon Davis

Kicker – Shayne Graham

Kicker – Phil Dawson

Defense – Green Bay Packers

Defense – New York Giants

Considering it is an 8 team league where we can keep three players (with some rules on keepers), I think it is a pretty nice team. I had the #2 pick where I had the choice of Brian Westbrook and Joseph Addai. I could not decide and I was leaning towards Wetsbrook. I ended up making a deal that would allow me to move from the 3rd round to the 2nd round if I went back to the #3 pick. I made it and ended up with Larry Johnson in the 2nd. So my trade essentially made it so I traded Brian Westbrook for Joseph Addai and Larry Johnson. Seems like a favorable deal although Larry Johnson is a one man show in KC for better or for worse. In the end, it is just a guessing game who has the best team.

Summer Update

Comedy

Two weeks ago, I traveled the furthest west for comedy than I ever have. I performed on Tuesday night in Dickinson, ND; Wednesday night in Williston, ND; Thursday night in Bismarck, ND and finished off Friday in Saint Cloud, MN. A lot of comics do the road thing and drive a lot; since I do it part time I don’t drive as far and as often as some of the other guys. I had never been in the car for 8 hours to get to a show before. That is what I did in order to get to Dickinson, ND on Tuesday. I ended up burning 3 days of vacation (I had summer hours on that Friday) in order to make the run.

I had never done the run before because the pay was not worth it to do it as a Feature but I recently started asking the booker to headline me and they agreed to “co-headline” me for this run. Co-headline pretty much means that there are two headliners and we alternate which nights we go last. I ended up headlining Dickinson (the first night) and Saint Cloud (the last night). The most fortunate thing about the trip was that I did with a guy who was a good guy and easy to talk to in the car. I worked with a comic from Ohio names Steve Sabo. Quality guy and quality comic. He has been headlining for several years and I was a little worried that the other guy would get pissy if he had to go first, but Steve did not mind at all and he was very helpful. If I hadn’t driven with him and I was by myself, I think I would have pulled over and some point, put the car in neutral on a hill and lay my head behind the tire. That is a boring drive. There is practically nothing in North Dakota. The only cool thing was driving through the Theodore Roosevelt National Park between Dickinson and Williston. That was beautiful and it was like a mini-Grand Canyon. I wish we pulled over for a bit and checked it out. We ended up just driving through. Besides that though, there is nothing to see. It is farm after farm after farm. There are barely any other cars on the road. I just don’t get how people can live there all year round, especially in the winter where it is colder than it is in Minnesota.

The first night was Dickinson. I headlined it and I was nervous because typically the first night is a night that I might shake out some of the cobwebs, especially in a state that is not Minnesota or Wisconsin. So much of my act is geared around MN/WI, that sometimes I forget how to tell it in another state and the first show can consist of me playing around with my act trying to figure out the right way to tweak. After that I am usually cool. The show was in a hotel bar and there was no stage. We were basically in the corner with a microphone right by the pool tables (fortunately, no one was playing at the time). The crowd was packed but very talkative and drunk. Yes, it was Tuesday and they were drunk. Where else in the world do people get smashed on a Tuesday Night? It was still pretty fun and we both did well, but it felt like it could have been better.

The next night we went to Williston. Williston is only like 30 miles from the Montana border. Are you kidding me? You know it is bad when we stop at a convenience store and Steve asks the girl behind the counter if they have the USA Today and they never heard of it. Apparently North Dakota is no longer in the US. Who’d have thunk it? Williston was another place filled with people getting smashed. Yep, they get smashed on Wednesday nights, too. Stay classy, North Dakota. It was a weird set-up in that there was a stripper pole at the very edge of the stage. The crowd liked to participate, not heckle, but they were fun and we had a good time with some ad-libs. The staff and owner were super nice and the people in the place were very nice as well, even though there were a ton of people who I could not shake after the show. The people who are smashed and can’t stop talking to you. Usually they have a joke for you to “tell in your act” or they give me advice. In the end, they mean well and are nice, so I try to bear with it as long as I can.

Steve made an almost fatal error that night. While on stage, he asked for a shot on stage which personally I think is a kiss of death in Williston. It almost was the death of him as someone sent up a cup of Jagermeister. Not a shot, an 8+ ounce cup of Jager. OUCH!!!! I like Jager, but I would never take a cup of it. Steve drank it at the end of his set and I have to give him credit, he stayed vertical. I thought I would be baby-sitting him the rest of the night, but he did OK. He was smashed and blacked out, but he was not out of control, which was nice.

Probably the most interesting thing that happened up there was that I ran into a former co-worker from my current job. I was standing there and a guy came up and said, “Remember me?” I didn’t and I usually get a little nervous around this time. I am scared that the next sentence will begin with, “Last time I saw you, you were so trashed……” Fortunately, it wasn’t that and he said we used to work together. I ended up remembering him. I didn’t know him well at my job, but I still thought it was neat that I ran into someone in the middle of nowhere (where USA Today does not exist).

The next night was in Bismarck which is the Capital of North Dakota, which is really not something to brag about. The show that night was fun despite it being a very small crowd (about 20 people). There was some fun interaction with the crowd. There was actually an Iraqi guy in the crowd who works at the airport. Only in North Dakota. Steve wanted to get together with a girl after the show, so we went with her and some of her old friends at some local bar. I don’t think I have ever been a bar with more dooshbags than this place. It seemed like every guy either had a hat on backwards, hat on crooked, hat with the flat brim or sunglasses on. Every guy in the place was embarrassingly trashy. They all also were wearing shirts that were too tight. I will give the retards credit; they did not break out into a fight (which I thought was inevitable).

The final night was in Saint Cloud which was fun as it always is. I should have stayed there because there were two friends who I could have hung out with. I kind of felt bad that I didn’t, but at this point I was dying to be home and see my little buddy in the morning.

The following week (this past one), I worked one night with Richie Holliday and Andy Woodhull at the Carver County Fair. It was a very tough set-up in that it was in a huge shed where more than half the people are there to drink and wait for the country band to go up after us. There was a ton of noise in the shed from people talking in the back and with the sides open, you could hear all the noise from the rest of the fair. The sound system was not the best either and add in the fact that there were some little kids in the area, it made for a tough time to perform. In the end, it ended up being a lot of fun and I was glad that I did it. Plus it was fun to drive with the guys and talk a little shop.

Quinlan

Quinlan is getting bigger and faster by the day. He can run around very fast now and when we are out and about, he needs to be in your eye site at all times or he is gone. When he is walking outside though, do not try and pick him up or steer him in a particular direction because he is so focused on where he is going, he does not want to be stopped. His bottom two teeth still have not come in, so he is insanely cute when he smiles. He is not talking still, but he babbles a ton and makes a lot of funny sounds. He has even become a great dancer. If you want to get a good laugh check out his dance moves in this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyFrU673Hvc

He just started doing this out of nowhere when I was trying to study and it was hysterical. Fortunately, he was willing to do it long enough for us to record. I can’t wait to be able to share this with him when he gets older.

He got to walk around the Pierce County Fair twice this weekend, Thursday Night and Sunday Afternoon. Both days, he could only handle being in the carriage or our arms for about 30 minutes, then he had to run around. He ran all over the place and almost trip up a bunch of crapper busting fatties. The fair brings out some of the largest, trashiest people I have ever seen. It is also a great place for teenagers to sneak cigarettes apparently.






























Manny

Good riddance to this clown. The Red Sox traded him last month along with some cash and two younger players (Hansen and Moss) for Jason Bay. I think Bay is a fine player and should fit in well with the Sox, but what a way for Manny to go out. He fakes an injury and then trashes the Red Sox the week of the trading deadline creating his trade value to plummet because everyone knew the Sox HAD to get rid of him. This retard says that the Red Sox did not treat him fairly. He has made over $150 million dollars from the Sox and he is mistreated???? I wish I could be punished by the Red Sox, I hate having it so easy.

I defended him over the years, now I root for him to get kidnapped and raped on a vacation in Ecuador. Screw him and I hope he tears an ACL. God, I hate these players who piss and moan and act like overgrown babies. At least I got the Patriots to look forward to. I got my subscription to the Sunday Ticket and I plan on watching all the games (well except for the ones that interfere with the niece’s birthday parties because they are always held on Sunday afternoons).

The Patriots will be back to the Big Game. You heard it here first.


Wedding in St. Paul

I was stuck going to Holly's cousin's wedding. It was cool that it was at the Science Museum in St. Paul, but I hate going there where I don't know many people. Hey, but we looked good though!

Dark Knight

I got to see The Dark Knight on opening weekend. What a fun, solid movie. Heath Ledger lived up to all the hype and blew me away (no pun intended to Mr. Brokeback Mountain). He easily outdid Nicholson and should get nominated for the Oscar. He will probably win it due, in part, to his untimely death. I look forward to seeing it again because I think I missed some things and I am sure I will appreciate the movie more. The only criticism I have is that it was a little long and it is dumb when Batman/Bruce Wayne talks to Morgan Freeman’s character with the Batman voice when he is dressed up as Batman. He knows he is Batman, why do the dumb voice? I wish Freeman’s character would yell at him and tell him to knock that shit off.

I know there is more to share, but I keep forgetting what I want to talk about. I need to do this more regularly, but I keep forgetting or I get too lazy. I’ll see what I can do as the year goes on.

By the way, Jay Cormier sucks.

Company Picnic, Batman & North Dakota

Company Picnic

Today was a pretty fun day with Quinlan. We had our company picnic today in the cities. It is pretty exciting to be able to show off the little guy while also seeing everyone else’s children. They day was perfect for me because it was overcast and in the upper 70’s. Does it get any better for the Irish?

After his morning nap, we threw him into the car seat and headed. At first we kept him in his stroller as we knew once he touched the ground with his feet, he would be all over the place. He stayed in his stroller great because he is typically hesitant (at first) with people he does not know. At some point on of us (me) decided to take him out because I saw another co-worker’s one year old walking around like a good boy. The minute Quinlan stood, he was off. He borderline runs when he is on the ground, as if he is thinking it might not last and he better make a run for it before the evil tall people he lives with pick him up for some reason.

He went on the play ground and loved it. After playing on that for a bit, he was content just running around all over the place and fussing whenever one of us picked him up. He had a ball when he was walking, but he was miserable when we had him. He is learning that magic ability kids get when their whole body goes limp and they arch their back in a way that only skilled parents can hold. Fortunately, I think I have made it to skilled parent because I haven’t dropped him………….yet.

They did have one those big blow-up obstacle courses. We were allowed to go into the back and bounce around while everyone ate. We had to do something while Mommy ate. We made a deal that one of us would eat while the other watched Quinlan. I had forgotten that Holly eats like a mule and let her go first. I have never seen anyone eat as slow as Holly. She eats like she is on Death Row and she is getting her last meal while the guard is waiting to walk her to the chair. He LOVED the blow-up course though. I placed him on the ground of it and then just bounced around near him. He giggled like crazy as he kept trying to stand up but falling over because of the bouncing. Eventually though, some kid had to come down the slide so we had to get off the toy. Quinlan was not happy. Fortunately we got some snackies while Holly continued her marathon chewing session.

Later on we got to go through the whole obstacle course. I carried him through it. He could not get enough of it. He giggles the while way. He especially loved it when I had to climb the slide which is not easy to do while carrying a kid in one hand. He giggled the whole way up; personally I think it was because I think he thought it was hilarious to listen to his Dad pant like a 400 pound person in McDonald’s line. He giggled all the way through until the end when we had to get off. Then he got grumpy. I had to do it again shortly after. Of course he loved it; of course I almost died because I am 34 year old who is out of shape. It is frustrating to watch those 8 year olds run through it over and over and I can barely do it once. It made me want to push one of them to the ground.

Overall, he had a fun time. There were grumpy moments, but he was a good boy as usual. He even got to have some of a strawberry popsicle (he rarely gets sugar). He loved it and he looked like the Joker when it was done. We eventually got him home for his afternoon nap and we played after for while. He is getting to be a ton of fun to play with. I swear he gets cuter by the day!

Batman

The geek in me may get to come out in me on Sunday as I try and see the new Batman movie “The Dark Knight.” I have been waiting for this for over 6 months. I am fired up for it and I hear it is great. I want to see it in the first weekend and the matinee is my only chance. My mother is going to watch him and we will try to catch the 12:00 show. Hopefully he is not too tired in the afternoon for her.

I think it is pathetic how excited I am for this movie. What grown man digs comic book movies so much? I know some day Quinlan will look me in the eye and say, “Dad, you are the biggest retard.” I hope he digs movies when he is older. I love going to them and it will be fun to bring him to the Disney movies.

They say Heath Ledger is great in this one as the Joker. I have not been much of fan of his, and it has nothing to do with Brokeback because I never saw it. I don’t know what it is about him, but I was never impressed. But everything about him in the previews seems good. When I first heard they cast him, I rolled my eyes but it sounds like they nailed it. Too bad for him it was his last movie.

North Dakota

I have the distinct pleasure of driving to the furthest reaches of North Dakota in a week and a half. I will be performing in Dickinson, ND (Tuesday Night), Williston, ND (Wed and it is in the corner of Montana and Canada), then Bismarck, ND on Thursday followed by Saint Cloud, MN on Friday. I have avoided doing the Dickinson show forever. But I recently asked the booker to headline me and they agreed to, if I started off out there as a “co-headliner.” You have to break in somewhere, right? Hopefully the guy I am working with is an OK guy because there will be a LOT of hours in the car. I have been stuck with the “idiot comic” before for long drives and that was torture. But I think I have heard that he is an OK guy.

You know you have made it as a comic when you have made it to Williston, ND.

Stuff

Wow, it has been ages since I last wrote. Not sure what is new or what is to say, but what the hell, I will give it a try. First off, Congrats to the Celtics!!! I did not expect them to win it all at any point except after game 2 against the Lakers. Even when they traded for Garnett and Allen, I thought they were a top 2 or 3 team in the East, not the best team in the league. I thought they were only three players with a bunch of stiffs and a crappy coach. I was very wrong. They had some solid role players (Rowe, Brown, Posey) and an up and coming point guard (Rondo). Their coach also decided to become a solid coach when it mattered (in the Detroit and Lakers series).

In the playoffs, I always thought they would make it to Detroit and then get knocked out. I was convinced they would after they stumbled by Atlanta and Cleveland who they should have beat up on. Up until the Detroit series, they had not won on the road (though they were un-defeated at home) which is something you have to do in order to win it all. I was so annoyed that they could not beat up on Atlanta and Cleveland and Rivers seemed like he was trying to lose (keeping Garnett and Pierce on the bench during critical times even though the commercial time outs last forever in the NBA). Plus he kept feeling the need to play Sam Cassell who single handedly made me get the urge to try out for the NBA. Naturally, when the Pistons won one in Boston, I thought it was over. Then the Celtics kick the snot out of the Pistons in Detroit and I had hope. But I felt that the hope would be short lived because even if they could get past the Pistons, the Lakers or Spurs would beat them. Didn’t happen! The Celtics went on to win the 1st two at home (even though they almost blew game two) and then stole one in Los Angeles (probably one of the greatest comebacks in sports history being down by more than 20 in the first quarter. By the time they went back to Boston, you were pretty sure they would win, even though I was a little nervous about them blowing it. Not only did they win game 6, they DESTROYED the Lakers in that game. It was embarrassing. They ended up winning by almost 40 points which is insane considering the other team had the “best player in the NBA” on its team. (On a side note, any talk of Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan went right out the window in this series. He never truly took any game over and carried the team on his back, as Jordan would. He’s a great player, but he is not Jordan and he is ESPECIALLY not Bird……..but honestly, who is?).

As for the other Boston sports teams, the Bruins are sill not interesting. Football is quiet, especially with the (apparent) end to the Spygate saga. Although the Patriots will be interesting on defense after drafting a linebacker high in the draft (10) for the first time in Belichick’s tenure with the Patriots. I think it was even the first time he picked one in the 1st 3 rounds. They should still be contenders for the championship (which they should have won this year to complete the trifecta). The Red Sox are in first place despite a bunch of injuries (Schilling, Ortiz, Dice-K), but there is still so much left in the season, it is too early to get excited. I did get to see the Sox get beat up by the Twins (ugh) this year.

Quinlan

Quinlan is now 14 months old and he is an absolute blast! He is walking and babbling like a maniac. We got worried because it took him so long to start crawling and walking. But when he learned to do both, he took right off. Now he can walk all around the house without too much falling or needing helps with the walls. Sometimes if he wants to get somewhere quick, he just drops down and crawls like a crazy spider-monkey.

He is a rock star with the eating. There are only a few things he won’t eat (eggs and chicken), other than that he will eat most things. He loves sweet potato fries, spinach and salmon (yes, I said Salmon. Holly introduced it to him and he crams it down. Quite the expensive meal for your one year old). He has not been eating a ton of sweets which is good. I don’t want him to become one of those kids that only eats sweets while never eating anything half decent.

He is also getting quite the personality. Ever since he started sleeping better (after the whole crying it out weekend), he is a much happier livelier baby. He babbles a ton, even though he isn’t saying any words. He has his own little language. He gets very giggly, especially for Daddy. He likes to act like he is chasing me which is really cute. We are so obnoxious with the camera, we have so many pictures of him it is ridiculous, but it is fun. I even bought a new camcorder for comedy, which I am sure we will use more on Quinlan.

Travel

Last month I traveled for work quite often (3 times). I went to Penn State, Boston and San Diego. Penn State was for training in Fermentation. For the most part, it was a waste of time and money because the lab equipment did not work. Our company paid $2,000 for the training and the equipment doesn’t work??? Fortunately, some of the in-class stuff was interesting and educational. I definitely did learn a bit. I met some fun people at the class from all over the east coast (NJ, MA, Philly) and we hung out a lot. The last night we decided to stay out late and I was hurting for the last half day of training. We found a place that had $1 pitchers of beer. Not cups…..PITCHERS!!!!! Not a good idea. Fortunately, the people I hung out with were a blast and we had a lot of laughs.

San Deigo was cool but we did not really have a ton of time (or energy) to site see. We did get to see the ocean and eat good (Mexican food in SD is great!). Our hotel was right on the a bay near the ocean, it was beautiful. Holly wanted to go, but I wasn’t sure if it was a hot idea or not. I was wrong and now I am promising her to allow her to go next year (same show in San Diego). She will be able to site see and spend my money while I stand in a trade show booth all day.

I did get to sneak in a trip to Boston for work and for play. I had some excellent business visits that more than paid for the trip out there. While out there, I went golfing with the guys in NH for the 1st time in probably 5 years. It was fun to get out for the first time and swing the clubs (even though I was painfully inconsistent) and we played a ton of poker (I think I won a total of $80). I tried to have some beer, but I was finding it to make me full and tired. I guess I do not drink enough Sam Adams anymore and I guess I am getting old. So sad.

The one odd thing from the weekend was when we needed to drive back to the cabin on Saturday. Some people wanted to continue while others wanted to go back. I was one of the ones to go back. There were going to be 5 of us in the car, so three of us would e stuck crammed in the back. I mentioned to one of our friends that it looked like we would all have to flip for the front seat. He proceeded to announce that he called the front seat when they were in the clubhouse and he had the front seat. He then went out to the car to sit in it to make sure he got the front seat. Yep, this is a 35 year old guy who did the stuff we used to do when we were 13. Nice.